Gotta have patience

Laughter is the best medicine

Lies to cover lies

It is sad how much I used to lie. It started when I was little and I would steal toys from my friends. I would tell my mom I found them or they let me have it. I was a thief and then I lied about it. In Jr high and high school I so desperately wanted friends and to be liked that I made up random bullshit to impress people. Some bought it but some started bullying me because they knew I was lying. As an adult I lied often to my now ex husband. I would lie about how much money I spent on groceries so I could go shopping. . I lied about having job interviews so I could go meet up with my husband now.. I would lie about everything.  This situation was different.  I lied for freedom.  I wasn't allowed to have friends unless he picked them, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere unless I took the kids, even if he was staying home.. I wasn't allowed to do anything unless he approved. . So there is different uses for lying. All lying is not right, especially if it is used to hurt someone. I used it for fun, then for friends, then for my sanity.. I don't HAVE to lie anymore. I have learned to operate without them. I spent so many years being called a liar that I feel guilty telling the truth sometimes but I am honest as I can possibly be and I feel so relieved!

Staring all over late

As I have mentioned before, I started my life over at 29. I hear it often from the young 22 yr old new kids at work who are usually starting higher pay than me,  why are you ONLY where you are now? It is embarrassing especially when they are management and I am not. Yeah it makes me mad and I want to find a new job often because I feel insecure about it.. the problem is, when I was 18 I didn't want to go to college.  I wanted to go military but drugs and partying ruined that.. when I was in my early 20s I wanted to go to college then but drugs ruined that.. when I was 27 I went to college and made it through til the end of medical training where I would b making 8$ an hour more than I am now, but drugs ruined that too.. at 29 I became sober, I have a college degree that is basically useless and has got me no where but a low paying job I don't enjoy doing. I have plans to go back to school of course. . I just had to start late. Unfortunately it took me so long to figure it out..

Even the wisest...

Typical teen me thought I was the wisest of the herd. Ya I was wrong. So wrong in fact it got me landed in jail more times than I can remember. I had to learn sometime.. too bad even after all my jail time, I was still the "wisest" hen in the roost. I still thought I could party and be an idiot and get away with it. That went on until I had my first son at 21. I had to grow the heck up fast. I was still a partier and an even worse addict than ever. Now as a grown up ;) I am pretty wise.. I still screw up, I still don't always do what I know I shouldn't. .like go shopping when I am trying to save money or when I don't have it to blow.. that is my ignorance. Not one person is completely flawless and error free.. if they say they are, they are full of themselves. .

Making a challenge interesting

Inspiration

My husband asked me, what or who inspired you? I have never been aaked that surprisingly so I wasn't sure how to answer that. I think a lot of different thibgs inspired me. It depends on what. With drugs the inspiration to quit was myself.. sound selfish?  Maybe but it is true. I did it for me. I knew something had to change within myself or I would never be happy in life..
What inspired me to write? Well.. I have always been the creative type and I can't draw so music and writing were always it. I was a musician through my teen years.. wish I would have kept doing it really.  Drugs took that away.. not because I can't play anymore but I haven't in over 14 years.. I love to write.. I always had a great imagination to write fiction. . Non fiction is a little easier..
Whats my inspiration for my success?  Well, my husband,  he gave me the way out.. my kids.. they give me a reason to try harder in life. Inspiration is everywhere, you just have to want to find it.