Seeing myself in the future

You can't fix everyone

Be emotional

Finding out who we are

Showing my brain off

I used to feel like I was supposed to dumb everything down. Then again I was always told I wasn't smart by people who were supposed to be there for me.. I was afraid to face any problems or issues that I caused..and I caused a lot. I lied all the time to cover my butt or I would just say I didn't know any better.. I always knew better but didn't care. I just always figured, all the dumb girls got away with everything so if I wanted to do whatever I want without consequence then I had to dumb it down. That only worked so much. I sure do feel stupid for doing it. I don't know why anyone would want to be perceived as ignorant. I sure am not an unintelligent human. I have proved that and I don't plan to stop any time soon.

I know I am not the only one

This is totally off the usual topic but I felt like it was a good one.
I work a lot of long hours at a very boring job.. Makes my days go by slow and I usually leave with a headache. Monday I usually wake up annoyed. I'm sure many people feel this way, it's not just me. I am not putting my company down but I am honestly ready to move onto bigger and better things. The problem is, working over 50 hours a week doesn't allow time for job interviews. "Take a few days off and do it." Some have suggested. Ha! That isn't as easy as it sounds. With my company I feel like I have to be going out of town for a special reason or dying to take a full day off. It is kind of sad when you are given an amount of days to take off yet you feel guilty using them because there isn't anyone to take your place when you are gone. Is that fair? No. Life isn't fair, I know. I hear that all the time. Should I have to have an excuse to have a day off though? No. I should be able to ask off whenever I want if I have the days to use. My kids live in another state. I would really like to go visit them. I would need to take a Friday or Monday off though or it would be a rushed visit. Is asking for Friday or Monday off a good idea? No! Busy busy busy.. That is all I ever am. I am tired, achy, stressed, and down right annoyed with everything and everyone. Is that a healthy way to go about? No!
I am also in school.. Yes working 50+ hours, going to school, caring for my home and husband doesn't leave me an ounce of time for me. Is it selfish wanting a little me time? Weekends you say.. What about the weekend? I am so busy on the weekends catching up on everything I can't do during the week and trying to enjoy life just a little so that I don't strangle anyone.. Yes that is my whole entire weekend.. Busy busy busy. I know I am not the only one..
I have basically completely stopped working on my book.. Why? Time. No time for writing. Does that piss me off? In a huge way that I cannot describe. Do I have time for any kinds of engagements to go speak at or for updating my website, or for sitting down to help recoveries like I would like and was honestly planning for? You can guess what the answer is to that one but just in case you forgot...NO!
Yes I am frustrated, yes I am ranting, and yes it is causing a lot of rocks in my whole life plan, my job is, I mean. Do I need this job.. Yes of course, I have a car payment, I have child support.. I have financial needs. Do I need more money from my job? Who doesn't and anyone would say yes to that, but is it seriously a need or just a want. Mine is a serious need.. It is ridiculous and it frustrates me even more.
Maybe sooner or later I will find a little piece..

Being the problem

I know it is easier to point fingers rather than take any acceptance of your own personal problems. Everyone has flaws and sins.. Everyone feels hate, envy, and greed once in a while. People tend to immediately freak the hell out whenever someone openly critisizes them. Sometimes they have no idea what and who commited the act so they blame whoever they assume is behind it. They even go through the trouble of saying they hired people to find out it was you and that they track you on line not realizing all of those things are usually expensive and are not accurate. My husbands ex wife does this to me every time someone leaves negative comments on her blog. She automatically assumes it is me and that I am completely envious of everything she is, saying she has hired investigators to catch me and even saying she has tracked my IP address to my name which is NOT true because the internet is not in my name and when I track myself, it shows the city I live in and that is all. I feel she is nothing but a compulsive liar out to ruin her ex husbands relationship. I feel like she is so self obsessed that she WANTS me to be jealous and obsessed with her. All I can say is, grow up! I have better things to do than admire people like that. Sorry girl, you are WRONG!

Being your own best

Too many people stress and hurt themselves to be the best at everything. No matter what there will always be competition. It doesn't matter how successful you are and how unsuccessful the competition is or vice versa.. They are still competitors and there is always one that will outshine you eventually. As long as you can feel great at your own game then who cares who else you please. We don't have to be people pleasers.. That is not what helping others and succeeding is all about. It is about what makes you whole and better in the end.

I am a lady

The life of the victimized lonely person

Being married more than once and my husband being married more than once in life sure brings in a thick pile of drama. I deal with a lot of crap.. I don't harass and accuse and point fingers but it sure happens to me. And they call me crazy? Hah! When you spend your time thinking of ways to put people down then act upon it, then turn and accuse them of doing it to you, then you're only making yourself look more desparate..