Thursday, September 25, 2014
Lingering in the past
Using the past to tell a story is one thing. I do it.. I don't base my blogs off of my past.. I base it off of what was once a product and how to improve it. Using the past as leverage is a tool I see many codependancy bloggers use. They over use it like an obsession. The point of a codependancy blog is to educate and inspire. Use your story then educate and move along with it.. No point in constantly repeating yourself.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
All I want in life...
I do this through my books. I do this through my blogs, and soon I will be doing this professionally once I graduate with my Master's, then my Ph.D in Psychology.. Then I will be paid and sought after for my few good words.. :)
Friday, September 12, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
A past that paved my future..
This isn't my usual inspiring picture quotes that I usually produce. I felt a need to share. I am generally writing for my addict and former addicts, but this is a reach for me.
When I started Jr. High at a new school in a new place, I had hopes. I wanted to be a basketball player AND a musician. They were my two passions then. In 7th grade, I was the new odd ball kid, in a small rural school with people who grew up together. They were intrigued and many people wanted to talk to me. That is what excited me. I thought I was gonna be popular. Ya, I THOUGHT, key word there. Only a short period of time into playing basketball I was asked to choose, music or basketball, I couldn't have both. That was a hard decision, but my passion was ALWAYS music, and band I chose. That instantly crashed and burned my "popularity".
I was cast aside, into a shadow. Through my Jr. High and High School life I was picked on, bullied, made fun of, being pranked on.. I can't tell you how many times I would hide in the bathroom during certain classes that certain people were in because I wanted to hide from the whispers and pointing fingers. I would pretend to go to school but really hide up in the mountain on my parents land until they left for work because I was afraid to go to school and deal with those kids. I skipped school a lot.
I even tried fitting in. I tried out for Cheerleading and made the team. I had school spirit, yes I did! I don't think anyone else wanted me there though. While all the other girls were making friends and having fun, I still had to deal with the pranking and the hissing of little voices 2 steps behind my back in ears reach. There was even a time when a few popular girls told me that a cute popular boy really wanted to ask me out. I was skeptical, but inside I was really excited. Then by lunch, I find him laughing at me with the group of populars holding hands with the other girl named Becky in our class. Ya, that hit hard. I even was told on picture day that my make up was ugly and I looked like a hooker, minutes before camera. It's funny how cat eye make up is soooo popular now, but back then it was considered "hooker." Hmmmm. I was ahead of my time. I had to suppress a lot of tears all the time. I didn't really know what to do, it was either conform and be like them, or be myself. I wanted to be ME. Why was that such a bad thing? After I blew the next years cheer tryouts..I could have done better and made the squad no problem, I blew it.. I didn't care, I was done; I became more out-casted and freaky than ever before. This is when the piercing and hair dying began.
Girls in classes above me called me trash, freak, they made fun of me to my face. I NEVER said a word, never stood up to them, never showed emotion. I took it and reacted silently at home, alone in my room. I cut myself, I ripped up my clothes, I dyed my hair weird colors, I wore a lot of piercings, not all were real, some were.. I made new clothes, yes I made them.. I became the epitome of freaky goth chick and I liked it.
A girl in a grade below me threatened me. She never acted, but she threatened me.. a lot. I would have fought her if she tried. I was NOT afraid of her. It would have been a good fight. With all the anger and rage and my own toughness suppressed, it would have been messy. She would have paid dearly. No one ever acted on me, and boy did I want them too. I was a time bomb, ready to attack, just waiting for the first throw..no one ever gave me the pleasure, so there I remain, bottled in anger, ready to pop.
All up through my last days of high school, I was angry. There was nothing more in the world I was so desperate to escape that horrible place. I didn't care how. I knew I didn't want to go to college in that town, so I chose the Navy...until that was out the window, when I went off the deep end at 18, partying, drugs, and stealing. It wasn't until I was 27 when I went to college, and I was 29 when I realized that if it wasn't for the terrible past I had to deal with, that my future would be totally different. Who knows where I would be and it doesn't matter because now, I am somebody.. I got the hell out of there and will not go back, I am a published author, and a well known blogger.. ya that's me. That is who I am. Just that weird freak girl, who loved music more than people, who bottled her aggression and made bad choices. I am the girl who rose above it and became better, real, educated, and accomplished, and I am still going. I am unstoppable. Boy if they could see me now!
When I started Jr. High at a new school in a new place, I had hopes. I wanted to be a basketball player AND a musician. They were my two passions then. In 7th grade, I was the new odd ball kid, in a small rural school with people who grew up together. They were intrigued and many people wanted to talk to me. That is what excited me. I thought I was gonna be popular. Ya, I THOUGHT, key word there. Only a short period of time into playing basketball I was asked to choose, music or basketball, I couldn't have both. That was a hard decision, but my passion was ALWAYS music, and band I chose. That instantly crashed and burned my "popularity".
I was cast aside, into a shadow. Through my Jr. High and High School life I was picked on, bullied, made fun of, being pranked on.. I can't tell you how many times I would hide in the bathroom during certain classes that certain people were in because I wanted to hide from the whispers and pointing fingers. I would pretend to go to school but really hide up in the mountain on my parents land until they left for work because I was afraid to go to school and deal with those kids. I skipped school a lot.
I even tried fitting in. I tried out for Cheerleading and made the team. I had school spirit, yes I did! I don't think anyone else wanted me there though. While all the other girls were making friends and having fun, I still had to deal with the pranking and the hissing of little voices 2 steps behind my back in ears reach. There was even a time when a few popular girls told me that a cute popular boy really wanted to ask me out. I was skeptical, but inside I was really excited. Then by lunch, I find him laughing at me with the group of populars holding hands with the other girl named Becky in our class. Ya, that hit hard. I even was told on picture day that my make up was ugly and I looked like a hooker, minutes before camera. It's funny how cat eye make up is soooo popular now, but back then it was considered "hooker." Hmmmm. I was ahead of my time. I had to suppress a lot of tears all the time. I didn't really know what to do, it was either conform and be like them, or be myself. I wanted to be ME. Why was that such a bad thing? After I blew the next years cheer tryouts..I could have done better and made the squad no problem, I blew it.. I didn't care, I was done; I became more out-casted and freaky than ever before. This is when the piercing and hair dying began.
Girls in classes above me called me trash, freak, they made fun of me to my face. I NEVER said a word, never stood up to them, never showed emotion. I took it and reacted silently at home, alone in my room. I cut myself, I ripped up my clothes, I dyed my hair weird colors, I wore a lot of piercings, not all were real, some were.. I made new clothes, yes I made them.. I became the epitome of freaky goth chick and I liked it.
A girl in a grade below me threatened me. She never acted, but she threatened me.. a lot. I would have fought her if she tried. I was NOT afraid of her. It would have been a good fight. With all the anger and rage and my own toughness suppressed, it would have been messy. She would have paid dearly. No one ever acted on me, and boy did I want them too. I was a time bomb, ready to attack, just waiting for the first throw..no one ever gave me the pleasure, so there I remain, bottled in anger, ready to pop.
All up through my last days of high school, I was angry. There was nothing more in the world I was so desperate to escape that horrible place. I didn't care how. I knew I didn't want to go to college in that town, so I chose the Navy...until that was out the window, when I went off the deep end at 18, partying, drugs, and stealing. It wasn't until I was 27 when I went to college, and I was 29 when I realized that if it wasn't for the terrible past I had to deal with, that my future would be totally different. Who knows where I would be and it doesn't matter because now, I am somebody.. I got the hell out of there and will not go back, I am a published author, and a well known blogger.. ya that's me. That is who I am. Just that weird freak girl, who loved music more than people, who bottled her aggression and made bad choices. I am the girl who rose above it and became better, real, educated, and accomplished, and I am still going. I am unstoppable. Boy if they could see me now!
Friday, September 5, 2014
We must not tell lies!
Remember the part in Harry Potter where the professor Umbridge has Harry write I must not tell lies and it etches the words into his skin? Can you imagine if that really happened to us? You know how many people would have that phrase on the back of their hand? Wow! Everyone has told a lie. Its ok, I know I have. It is how we learn and grow from it that makes us better. I know better now. I don't lie in my writing..never have. I tell it like it is. I don't lie for attention. Being an attention whore isn't something a true athur does. A true author craves sharing their stories and imagination for help and entertainment. If you use the writen word as a crutch and you can't live day to day without people's admiration, then you aren't doing something right. If you lie to make yourself look better, then you have already lost.
I see people lie about a whole lot of things.. How much money they make, what they do for a living, their past experiences, deceitful things.. Some even lie to themselves outwardly..claiming love and affection that isn't there. Its a mental problem they refuse to admit..
I see people lie about a whole lot of things.. How much money they make, what they do for a living, their past experiences, deceitful things.. Some even lie to themselves outwardly..claiming love and affection that isn't there. Its a mental problem they refuse to admit..
Thursday, September 4, 2014
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